Do you ever feel like you’re on the brink of something amazing, but you don’t know what it is? Like you are just sitting at the edge of this tremendous cliff with zero visibility? Somewhere in the mist is a miracle waiting, but what is it?
I have a mixed relationship with this kind of energy. On one hand I absolutely love the anticipation and the mystery, this feeling of everything being possible. But on the other hand, I can very easily get caught up in trying to manipulate what comes next, forgetting that I am safe and worthy of the best possible outcome. Allowing my anxiety to get the better of me forcing the outcome instead of trusting.
This fear has been a part of me since I can remember, this need to be in control of the situation and to feel safe, predicting all the angles and possible outcomes and creating pathways in my head to reach the outcome I feel is acceptable. Even figuring out who I need to manipulate and how to get the outcome that keeps me safe.
In this scenario my head has taken precedence over my heart. I have lost the connection to my intuition and my purpose because I am ruled by my fear and mistrust. From this viewpoint I might get a glimpse of a possible outcome through the mist, so my brain starts working overtime, interpreting and categorizing what I see so it fits my fears and predetermined outcome. My head locks on one desirable outcome and closes the door on any other possibilities. Fear allows no space for something new, for growth.
For the last few years I have been practicing changing this pattern, to quiet the mind and let my heart speak. I’ve reflected a lot on how and why my mind does what it does. It’s been an interesting journey and the answers I find are not always easy. It was especially hard to realise that the person I mistrusted most was myself, simply because I was the person that had let me down more often than any other.
My mission now is to listen to my heart and let it lead the way. But what does that really mean? For me it means that when I find myself on the edge of this high cliff, staring into the mist with no visibility, I embrace the uncertainty. I let myself enjoy the mystique, because within it lie endless possibilities, everything that my heart has been calling for, and I trust that the best possible outcome for me will appear at the right moment. I don’t need to push or control anything. But when the time comes, I need to be ready to embrace the opportunities, trust the guidance and be brave enough to take the necessary steps towards the adventure that lies ahead. I also need to believe that I am worthy of receiving everything my heart longs for.
I am still practicing, so sometimes I get it right and sometimes I fall flat on my face but that’s just a part of being human. I need to show myself compassion because I will always be dealing with my thoughts and feelings. I will never be rid of my ego, simply because taming it is the biggest lesson of the human experience. It will always be beside me, whispering into my ear but I every time it does, I can choose to not let it control me. But when I stumble, the most important thing is that I show myself compassion and use the lesson to grow.
Through this it is so important for me to remember that my head is limited but my heart is not, my fear is limiting but my love is not. I am worthy and I am loved.